I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
