bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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