two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
