i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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