Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
