i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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