So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize