You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
