Sry I called you an 8
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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