he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
