I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
