I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
