I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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