Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
