how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My ass is underappreciated
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
