I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
