Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
