my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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