Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's blow job season.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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