woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
