Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
