I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
