I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
