i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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