literally had 100 drinks last night.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
