On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
