Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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