The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
