pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
