I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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