My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
