Buhtt sex?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
