It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
