Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
