i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Shame - the story of my life.
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