so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
