Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
