yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
