u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
