just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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