I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
