we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
