Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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