worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
