Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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