i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
