I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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