hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize