Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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