so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
