i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
