There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think your dad took our porno
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
