State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
