I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
