I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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