I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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