I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
