my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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