i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
