You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
