By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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