I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
