i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
