I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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